I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
