God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
