apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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