Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
