A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
