Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
