So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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