Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
