6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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