I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
