I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ugly people sure do ruin things
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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