A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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