True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
