a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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