i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
