I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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