woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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