mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
