Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
