My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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