That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
time to smoke my breakfast
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
