what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
