I feel like I'm in dance class right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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