oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
