If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
