His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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