You really coming over, don't trick.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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