Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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