is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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