discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
