I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
