why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
