nut hugger
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
