I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
