You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
