I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
