I wanna bring you to show and tell
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
