Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
