To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
