I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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