The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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