I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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