It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
