dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
