Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
