Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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