I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
