I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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