they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
