I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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