there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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