how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
