Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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