I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
