There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
