She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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