She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
