I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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