Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
