He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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