rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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