my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
