**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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