drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
