hotel room ftw
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
