Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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