I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
