I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
