This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
