God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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