you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
