I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
