getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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