Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
