Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
