Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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