Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
