You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
