Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
