I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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