I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I want her autograph on my taint
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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