Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
