Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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