I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
