just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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