I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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